Losing a "significant other" in life can happen at any time in a person's life; sometimes, it is old age which takes away a life long spouse or partner, sometimes it may be a sudden illness or accident which leaves a person bereaved. It doesn't really matter what the circumstances are surrounding the death of a partner or spouse; the world suddenly becomes a very different place for those left behind.
How the Death of a Spouse Affects the Survivor
Once a spouse or partner dies, the survivor in the marriage or relationship goes through a number of feelings and emotions; shock, numbness, guilt and anger are all part of the grieving process. Each individual will deal with these emotions in different ways; people who are grieving may:
- cry easily/a lot or be unable to cry
- suffer from temporary insomnia
- have difficulty concentrating
- have little interest in life
- eat infrequently if not prompted
- have difficulty in making decisions, even if they are normally a good decision maker
- become depressed
The Reality of Being Alone After the Death of a Spouse
Surviving partners or spouses may have the support of family and friends to help them through the grieving period; however, it is inevitable that family and friends will eventually have to deal with their own lives and it is then that the difficulty of being alone can become overwhelming for some surviving spouses and partners. It is important to take the time to grieve but also important to take care of oneself.
How to Learn to Cope With Life Without a Partner
In order to cope with the loss of a partner or spouse, grieving spouses or partners can learn to:
- take comfort not just in human friends but family pets too; a family dog or a cat can be of great comfort in times of grief
- sleep, eat and exercise regularly. It is possible that the surviving partner may want to sleep more and eat or exercise less, but over time, normal sleeping, eating and exercise patterns should resume. For prolonged difficulty in sleeping, or depression, consult a doctor
- talk to a grief counselor or grief support group. Although caring family and friends may listen, some times talking to an impartial person, or people who are going through a similar process, may help deal with any unresolved feelings and emotions
- take things slowly. Everyone deals with things in their own way but grief can be exhausting, whatever the age of the surviving spouse. Over time, a person's body will start to 'heal' and every thing may not seem such an effort
- take time to think about major changes. It is difficult to make life changing decisions when dealing with grief; try to maintain a usual routine until certain of decisions to change jobs or move house.
The Difficulties of Life After Losing a Partner
Even if a person appears to be coping well with adapting to life after the death of a spouse or partner, there will still be "good" days and "bad" days, perhaps even years afterwards. It is common to feel angry, sad and guilty about events which may act as a reminder of the death of a spouse. Time can be a great healer but it does not always mean that time will completely 'heal' the surviving spouse or partner.
Learning to cope with the death of a spouse or partner can be a long and difficult journey but with the help and support of family and friends, and the ability to take control of life again, becoming part of life once again is possible, given time, patience and understanding.
Sharon Falsetto - Sharon Falsetto is a business owner, certified clinical aromatherapist & professional writer with a life-long interest in plants.
